Comments not welcome

I frequently want to rush bedtime. My brain is usually frazzled by the end of the day. Sometimes, I'm smart though and I take time to listen. I don't know why, but once the littles are in bed, they begin to pour out their little hearts. I am usually glad I took the time to listen.

Tonight was very telling. As my sweet little girl told me what the kids are saying to her, I tried not to cry. The kids at school are telling her she has vampire teeth. It annoys her (that's her word), but I know that means hurt. I am starting to piece things together. Yesterday, the school called me to pick her up at lunch time. She wasn't feeling well. As I wrapped my arm around my little girl and walked her to the car, she said, "Sometimes kids miss home." She nearly sobbed as she said this. She wasn't just feeling sick, she was acting broken. I always ask what she did at recess. Tonight, she told me "I mostly walk around or run around. I do the monkey bars." Who do you play with? Sometimes Cam. Sometimes other nondescript groups. Sometimes Dianna. Usually, just my girl. Today, Cam asked her a couple times what was wrong. I like Cam. She told him, "Sometimes kids just miss home." That's because school yards are mean and isolating. For such a delightfully friendly girl, that's a lot of time alone. My little girl does not like recess. She is afraid to tell me about it. She knows I'll ask, but she always hesitates in her answers. Is she hiding her hurt? Is she afraid of mom's wrath?

We started this school year knowing where she should be. I told her, we stay where we start. It's a good thing I said it to her then. Otherwise, I would pull her tomorrow. I know those lonely feelings of a friendless recess. I was never pretty or popular. Someone said to me, "Kids are only as normal as their parents." Tonight I cry for my children. If they are just like me... They shouldn't have to hurt just like me. I see who they are. I know who they are. Oh if I could be like them. They are bright and delightful. Witty and cheerful. Energizing and happy. And they are happiest when they are together. I would never change my children, but if I could I would change the way all the world sees them. If only they could be wise enough to see them through my eyes.

I am glad I listened for an hour tonight (until 10pm). How would I ever have known how she felt? It was perhaps the best used hour of my day, albeit the most painful one.